It is well

Lord, I repent of my sins and ignoring convictions to allow for sin. I pray that you would help me seek holier ways, in my thoughts, actions, and words. Father, would you guard and heal my heart from the wounds of trying to find a husband. I declare my security in You, knowing that you provide all that I need. Would you give me wisdom and discernment to navigate my feelings and desires, help me to continually surrender them to your will. Would you bring me hope. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

WORK:   I don't understand why it's so hard for me to break this cycle of laziness and fatigue. I really need to get on a better routine of waking up early and becoming a more productive person. Lord would you give me the capacity and strength, the diligence and desire to serve and honor you in this capacity.  LOVE: It's been a good and interesting experience talking to someone who also has a disability.  Pros: -We both share this foundational framework- God, our disability, and a healthy social/emotional life  -Feeling balanced in terms of what I can bring to the table. I don't feel I am as much of a burden to him/he understands this life  -He makes the effort to be supportive and encouraging, shows interest without being TOO pushy  -Gaining a new perspective on approaching dating someone with a disability --> learning to respect myself a little more?  -He’s forward and I know he wants to date for marriage  Reservations:  -From a pra...

  Be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. — Ephesians 5:1-2 I spent these past few days in pure nostalgia- playing Mario Party, watching old movies, listening to old songs. I keep seeing on IG that nostalgia is a form of depression… Oh how I do long to be a kid again.  Anywho, onto this new season: Lord, if it is your will for us to date and marry - would we look to you for every step and would you guide us. In Jesus name, Amen. 

 Spent the whole night and day lounging and watching YouTube, slept at 5am due to jet lag.  Highlights:  -Did some unpacking  -Parents conveniently got me an iced matcha latte just as I was about to go downstairs to make one  -Decluttered my old makeup products  -Watched Don’t Look Under The Bed -Made pasta -Hung out with Norah, Cody, and Steph  -Realizing that I’ve been pretty healthy throughout the last year, not really getting sick and actually dodging a lot of sicknesses that have been around me :O  Random reflection: After traveling with and observing my parents these past few weeks, I realize that they are more active and willing to go out than I am LOL.  -Me getting irritated at all the crowds in TW and the rain and wanting to leave quickly/ them pushing me to continue the experience  -Me coming home early on NYE thinking that my parents and I are all jet lagged and are about to sleep/ them wanting to stay up and drink rose at cou...

 Yet another year has passed and I’m still alone LOL. Even worse so, most of my long-time single friends are now dating. While I sincerely rejoice with them and truly desire that their current relationships lead to marriage, I can’t help but be reminded of my own singleness..and loneliness. I know that God can do anything at any time, but I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be in a relationship or get married. Though I know I can be okay, and I know that I have a blessed life regardless, the pain of that unmet desire just feels heavier and heavier as the people around me move onto marriage. My singleness feels like a touchy subject or elephant in the room. My life wreaks of pity; from my ugly body, broken out face, inability to breathe or eat well, my lack of a real career, my dumb mind. I’m so tired of who I am and the life I live, and every social setting becomes a mirror of my ugliness and uselessness.  This year has been terrible although nothing tragic happened to me directl...